Photo shot with Nikon D7100 + 35mm 1.4 Sigma Art lens (ISO 640 f/1.8 1/200 sec)
After a lot of thought, I have decided to begin a photography challenge. Life can be crazy, so I have decided to give myself all of the time in the world to complete this challenge. I felt it was only appropriate that this week's theme was focused on yours truly. This mini series is called "Self."
I took this photo of myself, sitting on the floor in my bedroom, in true iPhone selfie fashion. It was actually much more difficult to do than I had originally anticipated. I almost didn't post this photo because I was embarrassed that you can so clearly see the scar under my lip. Short backstory: when I was four-years-old, I fell off of a zip-line (face first of course) and landed on a tree root. I ended up breaking both of my wrists and biting through my lower lip. My parents rushed me to the hospital, and a fabulous plastic surgeon gave me 34 stitches so that I was good as new. When I got home, my dad lifted me up to the mirror so that I could see what my lip looked like. After looking into the mirror for a minute, seeing the bruised and mangled mess, I burst into tears and said, "I'm ugly." I am not saying that the incident that took place when I was four has made me self-conscious all of these years later, but that scar has made an impact on me. It turns purple when it's cold outside and always causes trouble when I'm trying to put on lipstick. I've spent so much time wishing that it wasn't there, but for what?
I think I have grown up a lot over the past couple of years. I've started to have a relationship with myself. I know that sounds weird, but for so long, I never took the time to get to know who I am. It's possible that I was anxious about what I would find when I reflected on my actions, thoughts, and attitudes. What I found was that I was an incredibly negative person. I always assumed that things were going to fall apart before they did, and I always had a bad attitude. Realizing that was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It opened up so many doors for me, and I have improved my quality of life an indescribable amount.
Self-love is a difficult concept to understand. I still struggle every day to navigate exactly what it means. When is it self-love and when is it bragging? How do you share your accomplishments that you are proud of, without sounding full of yourself? Honestly, I'm still unsure. I've learned that there will always be people rooting for you to fail. I've also learned that there are more people hoping for you to succeed. In my opinion, you can't please everyone anyway. Life is short. Be like Kanye when he said, "Love your haters. They're your biggest fans."